The NSFW Smorgasbord: Off-Color Thoughts

[Note: Still trying to find The Hammer Speaks' niche in the blogging landscape. Your continued comments on the blog and emails are helpful. I'm not sure that "breaking news" like the Tomlin press conference is useful since you can read it in the paper the next day, so keep firing away on what you like and what you don't. A little different format today with links to some of the many things that I see on the web mixed in with an eclectic bunch of thoughts. Like it or not, please let me know. The radio show appears to be on hold for the time being. Yes, I'll tell you where to send the outraged emails. Or feel free to start a facebook page. Free the Hammer.

Oh, and by the way, the language gets a little amped up in this post. If that isn't your style you should probably just skip it.]
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***ESPN's 30-for-30 sports documentary series got rave reviews when it came out of the chute, but it's now officially off the rails. First it was "One Night in Vegas" about Mike Tyson and Tupac Shakur. How do you fuck that up? My god, you don't have to draw any connection between the two and you can make a great documentary. This film portrays the two as best friends and talks about Tupac being "brutally gunned down." You wanna get a flavor for why Tupac was gunned down that night? Check out this video (NSFW). Mockin' Biggie's death and MFing every guy from the east? That's the shit that'll start a mutherfuckin' gang war. Don't try to pull on my heartstrings with Tupac and Iron Mike. As Tupac says, "Fuck you too!"

Then last night I was looking forward to watching "Unmatched" about the great tennis rivalry between Chris Evert and Martina Navratilova. This was another easy one. You had the All-American girl from Florida, the Ice Princess, juxtaposed with the muscular, Czechoslovakian-born defector who couldn't control her on-court emotions. One or the other finished the season ranked number one in the world for twelve consecutive years. It became maybe the greatest rivalry in the history of sports. They played each other eighty times, sixty of which were tournament finals. Throw in Chris' multiple marriages and relationships and the fact that Martina was one or the first athletes ever to admit she was gay and an hour didn't seem like enough time.

Wrong. You're better off taking ten minutes and reading the Wiki links I connected above. Not enough on the tennis and way too much of the "I was great, you were great. We became best friends and she was always there for me," bullshit. Seriously this docu-drama should have been on Lifetime. Editing a few hours of conversation they had together and interspersing it with some tennis highlights was a complete hatchet job. And, of course, with no moderator or interviewer they didn't go anywhere remotely controversial. My lasting teenage boy crush on Chrissie is officially shattered and 30-for-30 is now about 12-for-21.

***When did Tony Dungy become the sports world's moral compass? I've got some love for Tony because he played most of his time with the Black & Gold and he generally seems like a good guy. But seriously, this shit has gotten out of hand. Deadspin beat me to this a few days back, so I won't rant too long. I understand helping Michael Vick. Dungy had just gotten out of coaching and was going to help young players who got in trouble. Maybe it's because his own son committed suicide, a topic that is now officially off limits to the mainstream media, who knows? But I do think the intentions were good.

But now it's getting absurd. Every person remotely connected with sports who gets in trouble and wants redemption turns to Dungy for the halo-effect. It's starting to look like Dungy is second, behind the Catholic Church, in sales of absolution. Worse, he is now proselytizing about every issue that comes down the pike. Calling Rex Ryan out for dropping too many f-bombs on Hard Knocks or telling Reggie Bush to give back the Heisman Trophy is a bridge too far for me. Tony, shut the hell up and go back to working with the young men you seemed so committed to helping a few years ago.

***Peter King of Sports Illustrated has become the dean of NFL writers. I think his work in the magazine is really good, but his on-line column has gone way down hill. I'm tired of sports writers who cherry-pick examples to suit their position or create a strawman to argue against a position nobody holds. In Monday's "Monday Morning QB" King says this about the Pats Brandon Tate:

Here's the not-so-secret weapon the Patriots have been thinking all summer long would pay dividends once the real games started. Tom Brady bragged about him to me in May, and Tate blew through the Ram kick-coverage team in preseason Week 3 for a 97-yard touchdown. Against the Bengals Sunday, he grabbed a bouncing kickoff and sprinted/weaved untouched 97 yards for a crippling touchdown.

Then two paragraphs later he writes:

The Raiders were a chic pick to be decent in the preseason. Decent, in Oakland, would sell a lot of tickets. But their impressive performance in exhibition games -- another great example of why we should ignore the summer completely -- was erased in Nashville. 

Which is it Peter? Is the preseason important or a waste of time? If I start doing this please call me out. Tuesday's "MMQB-Tuesday", after the Ravens' Monday night game, King writes:

I think the Ravens are one heck of a team -- with a very strong organization to back them up. How about secretly moving Marshal Yanda from guard to right tackle? How about the impact play of Tom Zbikowski, whom all the other teams found holes in before the 2008 draft?

Secretly moving a guy from right guard to right tackle? This is ridiculous. The Ravens did this due to need and how secret do you think it was and how long was it going to stay that way? There is nothing secret about the NFL anymore. The reason teams get fined if they aren't upfront about injuries is that gamblers and fantasy football players would go crazy if they didn't know beforehand if a guy was going to play or not play. Those two activities drive interest in the league as much as anything else and you better believe Roger Goddell and the people in the NFL office know it. Highlighting the impact of a "secret" move of one player from guard to tackle is laughable.

As for Zbikowski, he was a third round draft choice out of Notre Dame, the 86th player and the fourth safety taken overall. "All the other teams found holes in," is an absurd thing to say about a guy taken in the third round. The next safety taken by the way, Thomas DeCound, 98th by Atlanta, is seen as a much better player, so you could argue the Ravens actually blew the pick. And here is what Mike Duffy, Ravens beat reporter for BaltimoreRavens.com, tweeted after Monday night's game and the "impact" plays of Zbikowski:

[Coach] Harbs said he's "disappointed" in Zbikowski's punt return duty. Made some tough catches but has to make better decisions on that near-safety.

From Rotoworld:

Zbikowski nearly blew the game for the Ravens, running backwards and getting tackled on the cusp of his own end zone. Cornerback Chris Carr and several undisclosed candidates will try out in practice this week. 

Add this to the 1,000 words he writes each week about coffee, travel and charities (I choose my own, thanks) and I'm about to drop Mr. King from the rotation. How about fewer words and better content? Probably good advice for me as well. I'll stop the rant and come back with the thoughts and links in the next post.